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(no subject) [Apr. 11th, 2010|01:40 am]
fuck four wheelz
Life is so much better now. It is so much different now. I'm still myself. Hopefully a little less of the bad and a little more of the good. I can't believe I was dedicated to writing in this thing for so long. Writing in a journal in a public blogging form is very odd. It's actually paranoia to a certain degree. I"m tired. I'm going to keep listening to music.

2010 the future is no
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i want a puzzle with peices missing [Jul. 23rd, 2007|06:24 pm]
fuck four wheelz
so today i am at the point that i've been yearing for.. i am at the point that I have been dreaming about. The point where your brain and your heart and your mind make a decision and you fly with it.. I am done.. done ... done... done... done.... done... finished... I am not pathetic... I choose to not be pathetic it is my choice and I am very satisfied with that. I am living in a city that is lit with little white candles that line alleys in green glass blown bottles with the smallest ounce of alcohol at the bottom. I live in a city where I set my heart free on a daily basis.. i am doing exactly what i want to do. I have no fear of not accomplishing all of my goals. I own a store.. I have wonderful best friends and there are only two things that bring me down.. i will finish this later to many people are trying to buy shit....
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i have a new ebay store [Aug. 22nd, 2006|08:16 pm]
fuck four wheelz
hi im new.. and i have a new ebay store.. please check us out

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i will always wonder why I'm always sober [Apr. 25th, 2006|05:48 pm]
fuck four wheelz
so here i am infront of the keyboard wishing i had words to describe everything that i am feeling... I am up i am down i am busy and buried under work.. i am drowning and appreciating my surroundings.... I have my friends I have this city and i have people who really want to understand me. or people who want to try to understand me. But i wonder if i understand myself. I know what i want.. and where i've been. I know how to get it.. but getting off this thing and living a real life seems difficult especially when there isnt a drink in my hand and a band playing loudly in the backround. I hope iam not approaching some monumnetal moment in my life.. I would like silence.. silence and a bit of sleep. But I cant stop playing this cd.. and this chair is more comfortable than my sheets.. and my desires are more important than my goals. So here we are..

It is incredibly hot inside and outside of my apartment. I was hassled all the way on my walk home.. I had KRS blasting on my headphones.. so i just pretended that everytime someone was trying to push up on me that they were just really saying.. "DONT MESS WITH KRS" and then i agreed.. shaked my head and said "have a nice day".... Oh denial.. what a lovely thing.. I really dont have much to write about.. I have everything to talk about but i have to get comfortable writing in this thing again.. Oh summer where are you....
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and heres to you.. new year... [Jan. 1st, 2006|08:54 pm]
fuck four wheelz
my existence such a sad and wonderful thing... Last night i got completly keytarded and had the most amazing night of my life.. well most amazing until i came home and had a keyboard and a phone in my possesion... two weapons that no drunk girl should ever have.. so yes 2006 i am a fool... i will start the year off as one and end as one... maybe its something in my brain that clicks on that makes me think ican take on the world.. maybe theres somethign that makes my mind go.. Marshe'... you can do as you will.. and there will be no consequences... but there always are.. so i step outside my mind and pass out on the bed with the phone making that horrible beeping sound.. then i wake up in the morning climb back inside my reality and in stuck inside my head all day wondering how to undue the nights shenanaguns.. wow i dont knwo how to spell shenanaguns.. hahahah i spelled it like shen an a guns.. hahahahhahaah im so fucking stupid.. i love it.. its punk to spell things wrong right.. right... hahah shenanaguns... hahahaha.. sorry i lost my train of thought.... wait its still funny.. haha shenanaguns...
but no really.. i feel like im sooooooooo much,..I am so much.. and i meet people and they go.. WOW>>>>> i can only watch her from a distance... and i could give small injections of myself to people but thats not me.. im MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE so its hard... its like people say they want honesty they say they want something different and you give it to them without doubt.. and they completly blow you off... you know.. its hard.. but i dont care.. .i rather dance alone in my room to Prince then sit next to some asstarts talking about being jerkfaces and jerkoffs and whatnot..but yeah i am so stupid.. . i am jacks defiance.... i am jacks embarrasment...

okay anyways... so back to the night.. the night started early.. with lots of beautiful girls shoving themselves in tiny dresses and applying long stay mascara and lipgloss.. we stomped the streets in our pointy tall boots and arrived at the masquerade ball.it was to early so we went to a cafe for fries and whisky sours..... we finished there re applied lip gloss and headed to the ball.. well the ball wasnt very much of a ball but there was lots of alcohol.. so yeah.. for that..I met a nice kid named Timmy i wished i could have talked to him longer but life doesnt allow these things sometimes.... well we leave there after a bit and we head out to aparty in oregon hill and it was full of friends and we watch that damn ball drop and i glanced at my ex boyfriend from across the room thinking.. "yeah this is weird".... well we leave there and we go to this guys amazing house.. it was crazy.. like a low budget movie about mars.... well we get there and theres much dancing.. wait did i mention i smoked a TONNNN OF WEEED>.. yeah it was nice.. Andrea is the bestest friend ever.. and so is Beth.. and so is Cheryl.and DAVIN.... it was a great night.. wait before we went to the spaceman party.. we went back to the masquerade ball to dance the night away.. yeah they played.. RING MY BELL... i love tha tsong.. well anyways back the the spaceman party... i makeout with richmond finest... dance alot... smoke a blunt... dance smoe more take some pictures.. laugh like a maniac... the only downfall of the night was not being able to spend more time with my friend who were here from out of town.. i hate when there is so much going on that i cant have everyone i love in one place.. but alas this is life... but yeah FUCKIGN HAPPY NEW YEAR WORLD>>>> 2006 shoudl be wonderful.. it will be wonderful.. im doing so much.. and thinking so much and im never falling in love.. im never even falling.. this year i will stand up tall. .and dance alot.. adn write alot and travel.. and laugh in every bar in every city....this will be another year of no regrets... its kind of nice living life the way i live it... pennyless and corny.... kind of stinky... no cordination but alot of fucking heart man... i want the world.. the whole world... every world..

My friends from philly are driving down just to spend a few hours with me and then they are going back home.. i hope i can show them a good time.. i owe them so much for showing me such a fucking aweesome time when i was in PA.....okay i need to get off this thing and get ready for the long night.. i adore you all... happy new year i really do... for sure i do....
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(no subject) [Dec. 24th, 2005|04:53 pm]
fuck four wheelz
so im drinking and eating rice with soy sauce... Christmas is hours away and my buzz is quickly approaching.. today i worked then babysat... i watched the special edition MOnthy Python and laughed at.. "tis only a flesh wound repeatedly"... god what day it is.. i dont know when i last updated... but right now im mega sort of pissed but not really.. but seriously fuck dudes.. fuck them alll.... not because of anyhting that has happend to me but seriously dudes are so lame.. they are disposable like tampons... there are a couple in my life who have a special place inmy heart but the rest of yasss.. the rest of you can just die.... i dont care... i need to have sex.. i feel like the seinfeild episode where Elaine keeps getting dumber and dumber because she cant get laid.. i believe it.. i really do believe it.. I count the days until i can get my bricks layed....i am jacks libido.. someone shoot me.. it onther news. the weather is fucking perfect.. i went for a bike ride earlier and listend to hip hop mixes.. i felt tough as shit on my little yellow bike with my ripped up jeans.. this is richmond i guess.. alot of my ladies have been calling me this week.. it seems everyones sex lives are going absolutely bonkers... Work has been horrible..we are sampling all this food at work and ihave to watch all these overweight rich white people chewing infront of me.. its so fucking gross.. i see them in slow motion.. and they say.. "OH ITS SO DELICIOUS BLAH BLAH BLAH.. we actually had to make the aisles wider because our customers keep growing and GROWINGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG.... no im joking.. slash not joking... the only good thing about christimas is the victoria secrets semi annual sale.. sexy underwear here i come...

nobody knows what the fuck they are doing for new years.. im getting wasted and making out with everyone.. but its difficult finding otu whats the haps for the night.. theres this masquerade ball that im all about.. and if Davins going to be here im even more about it.. is it possible that davin andrea and I will be in the same room again... GASP>>>>>>> all i know is there needs to be mad dance parties... im not dressing up for nothing... AHH IL OVE NEWYEARS>.. national make out day im telling you..

okay time for me to talk more shit about dudes.... so here is my problem with dudes.. so dudes are fucking lame.. and they dont tell you what they want or how they feel and if they do tell you.. its cool for a bit and then it gets comfortable and all bullshitty... i mean.. why cant people just live life and be crazy all the time... why cant we just all travel all the time and have these crazy fariytalehero lives... wait im drunk.. id otn know what im talking about.. eck my family will be here soon... my brain huts from thinking.. okay.. welll emmm.. fuck dudes... and fuck you... and merry christmas... and stuff.. sorry this is lame.. but im lame so its even.. oh my gosh im listening to NOTORIUS B.I.G.. so tight.. wait that reminds me.. so the other night i was chilling hard with Beth an Wayne and his surprise party and it was so tight.. mad tight people were there.. and it was so graet seeing two great people together.. Beth and i are going to chill real hard alot more.. and Kurrah my girl was there.. and I LOVE HER.. but i was to tipsy to talk to her.. oh and Andrea was there to and we chillled hard.. and then we went dancing and it was so much fun aside from me embarrasing myself infrotn of everyone.. but i guess thats my thing... maybe im really into making a fool of myself infront of people.. and makign them feel really uncomfortable... ahhhhhhhhh im drunk okay.. well im going to be a lush.. talk to you later.. here are some pictrues...

adventures in babysitting

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FUCK THE WORLD [Dec. 17th, 2005|06:36 pm]
fuck four wheelz
[mood |hyperspectacular spectacular......]
[music |hall and oats stilll... I CANT GO FOR THAT>> SHOOT ME PLEASE]

so today is Saturday and i am sitting at my computer in a Black dress by GUESS and thigh high leather black boots.. I will be attending a cocktial party in a few hours and by body is saying no.. but my outfit is saying yes... SPeaking of cock.. i have none... but its fine.. im in training and i am restricting myself from penis.. im restricting myself from masturbation.. my new life will be working out, lifting weights, doing pilates and yoga..i will be reading sex books. and i will be eating healthy and taking pictures of all my friends.... the next time i have sex i will be a fucking BEAST.. i am quite excited...

So life right now is good.. i had a fucking amazign time in PHILLY and met a million people who i fucking adore... i will post mad pics at the end of this entry.. unfortunelty i did not get to see my gem DAVI KNUCKLES while i was there.. but thats life isnt it.. i've never really been able to have my cake and eat it to..well have my cake and eat it and not gain weight from it.. but one day my friend i will find out how....

I've been listening to music a shit ton lately.. old cd's from i guess the early and late 90's... i found all these old punk compilations and its bringing back a part of me i forgot.. its fuckign insane i was just litening to.. "I HATE MYSELF BUT I HATE YOU MORE IHATE MYSELF BUT I HATE YOU MORE.. and i was like FUCK YEAH.. and then i was listening to.. BEER IS MY COPILOTTTT BEER IS MY COPILLLLOOOTTT.. and i was like FUCKKKK YEAH.. and now im listening to TIGER ARMY>> FUCK THE WORLD>>>> and im thinking.. why does everyone hate this band.. I HEART THEM..... but in other news i am quite insane.. well the normal insane.. but still very insane.. i dont think i really realized it to recently...

SO I HATE CHRISTMAS i went to the record shop today because i am forced to buy people gifts because of this cursed holiday.... and they were playing all this horrible christ-mas music.. and i wanted to fuckign choke myself.. so im walkign through the store all angry and pissed off and thinking WHERE DO PEOPLE GET ALL THIS MONEY TO BLOW.. and i bought a few things then stormed off before the children singing version of Carol Of the BElls started.. FUCK CHRISTMAS.. well then i went to the thrift store to buy my mom some vintage dresses and it was packed full of motherfuckers... and more bad christmas music.. like the rod stewart christmas collection or some shit.. and im fighitng in line with these bitches just to look at teh fucking merchandise... and then theres this little bitchy black 8 year old girl and shes all up in my way looking at these ugly fucking wedding dresses and shes like.. "MOM MY WEDDING DRESS IS GOING TO BE WAY BIGGER AND LONGER THAN THIS>> MY WEDDING DRESS IS GOING TO BE SO WHITE AND SO PRETTY AND BLAH BLAH BLAH... and i just wanted to be like.. marriage is a waste of time.. dont ever get married or you will be unhappy like your mother shopping for presents in a fucking thrift store while holding two babies while her two other children are being fucking annoying in my way... but i didnt say anything i just turned up my music headphones and kept on fuckign walking.. well i left there and went to CHOP SUEY BOOKS where WARD and I had a long talk about my anger and then he yelled at me for not getting him a christmas present.. and then we debated if we should be myspace friends or not... i bought a pop up book there and a slave soldiers narrative book for my father.. I HATE CHRISTMAS....

I HATE CHRISTMAS>. and then i had to come home and get the fucking christmas tree and put it in the house and set it up and blah blah blah.. and then i had to write fucking cards and wrap fucking presents.. I HATE IT>> WHY CANT I JSUT BE LEFT ALONE>> I DONT WANT ANYTHING>>>> WHY DO PEOPLE MAKE ME SUFFER>. GOd i hope we get bombed or zombies attack or something on christmas that way everyoen can shut the fuck up.. i just want to speed to new years.. so i can kiss lots of people and drink my sorrows away to await new sorrows for teh new years.....

im pathetic.. i'll shutup.. theres a bunch of awesome stuff happening to.. My life is pretty fucking awesome.. Im getting tattoed on Wednesday by my best friend... I hung out with Beth the other day and it was fucking tight.. I also am making nice money at my job.. as well as making nice money doing massages... I have a million new friends who i adore and tonight im going to a get wasted and not spend any money.. and yesturday i got wasted and had dinner and smoked a shit ton of weed and i didnt have to pay for anything either... yumm i love margaritas and i love weed.. they are perfect....... oh aslo i have new beligum friends.. and one in particular who is quite spectacular.. he is my beligum waffle.... i will eat him then poop him out... this is my life.... i just had a half frozen jones soda the top of the bottle said "gifted in many ways".. then i had another one and the top simply just said "E".... which one should i believe.. which one should i base my life on.. im going with the E... one......

I just called my house to talk to my little brother...he just got soo excited....
hes 10 and the smartest boy in the world.. i wish i could be a better sister.. i wish i would write him every week.. and i wish i had lots and lots of pictures of him.. he just asked me for a laptop... i just asked him if he wanted some money...instead.. and i said "how much do you want"..and he sadi "how much do you got"...... i love him..... i promised i would go home soon and take him out to eat.... and dress up all scary crusty punk and scare the shit out of the bullies at his school.....

on another note i want to get my lip peirced again on teh other side.. and my nose done two more times and maybe another hole as well somewhere else.. im actually quite shocked that i've gone two years without something new in my body.. all i cant think about is new tattoos and new jewelry hanging off my body... i will soon look like a psycho.. SO EXCITED>>>>. my family will be so let down.. HAHA AWESOME...

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(no subject) [Dec. 8th, 2005|07:28 pm]
fuck four wheelz
[music |whiteslaves in china town]

ahhhhh ahhh ahhhhhhh ahhhhhhhhhh ahhhhhhhhhh ahhhhhh GEEEEEEEEEEEZ AHHHHHHHHHHH ECKKKKKKKKKK AHHHHHHHHHH..

experiment day 4... watching 1940's vaulted drugs and sex movie..its called white slaves in china town.... black and white... large plump breast hideous dudes.. noone is having sex.. im not having sex... havent maturbated in.. YEARS.... am close to dying.. very close to become asexual.. this is very hard... i may never have an orgasm again.. well not until this summer...

okay okay okay... im fine.. im sorry.. wow thsi dude is doing heroine.. AWESOME>>> its so fake though.. like this movie is so wack.. its awesoem though because its from like the 1950's.. and theres bad music.. and its narrated the whole thing is one of those insrtuctional video voices... its great.. hahaha...

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today i watched the original MANOS THE HANDS OF FATE>>AHHH MANOS HANDS OF FATE MANOS THE HANDS OF FATE>>>>> wait let me write you some of these awesome lines from thsi movie

"these parties would always do somethign to olga they would awaken the passion in her.. during these parties she would feel very close to her slaves"...

"orgies have always had an effect on me.. never though i never participated..."

wow this hot chick is rape'n this other hot chick whos passed out.. wow and they are torturing people....

okay im done talking but im not having sex.. but its not so bad.. im goign to philly this weekend and its going to be awesome.. on another note...

im so so so so so so so so so so so sos so soso into spectacular spectacular.. i really cant even talk about it... but know that soon i will talk about it and it will blow your fuckign minds..... its quite wonderful...........

"no slut was going to get the best of me.. not ever".........
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(no subject) [Dec. 5th, 2005|05:19 pm]
fuck four wheelz
so this weekend.. consisted of alot of cheap beer, expensive beer, 40oz, lots of shots... and some x-rated fucking.. and for once i am not going into details about the fucking... i know who the fuck am i.. but friends.. countrymen romans.. i am finished with sex.. yes yes i am done... from now on im on a strick maturbation regimen.... Im finished with it... well until i step foor unto that plane out of this God forsaken country... I plan on having lots os fucking nasty sex... oh so yeah im really fucked up in the brain.. who would think that watching lots of horror movies and porn your whole life would have a ill effect on your sex life... i mean my shits getting fucked up.. i mean im not trying to shit in anyones mouth... but watching the preview for the new gore movie HOSTILE im more sexually turned on than i am horror movie turned on... now that might not mean anythign to most people but to some of you im sure you understand.. I am worried that one day i will end up picking up some boy from a bar... drugging him and taking him out to some cabin where i tie him up and beat the shit out of him then fuck him.. i woudl actually really enjoy it.. i mean i woudl enjoy it to the point where i've already picked a place and what kind of outfit i would wear and what kind of guy i woudl like to take. I'd wear some dirty pink slip and i'd tie back my dreads and i'd be all muddy from dragging his body from the car to the house.. and he would be.. just a nice white boy.... YES I KNOW Marshe you are taking it to far.. but Jesus... i just want to back hand the shit out of this fantasy boy... i mean i wouldnt hurt him to much... just a few bruises on the face..maybe a tiny bit of wire.... I love in movies when they drug people so much they are to weak to excape... just watching the person laying there with the door wide open and they cant find the strength in their legs to get to the door... ahh i feel i am taking a very horrible turn for the worse..so i decided NO MORE SEX EVER AGAIN>>>>> i most certainly dont really want to hurt anyone... and i really dont want to get hurt myself.. or arrested... i mean testifying... on a stand.. "yes i drugged him and beat the shit out of him and tied him and gagged him to a wooden chair in a fire lit cabin"... i wonder how many years you can get.. and then i was thinking hey maybe you can plan this outing with a male friend of yours.. BUT... would i really want to fuck someone who is that fuckign crazy.. i dont know... Im all freaked out and shti.. i need to drink.. i'll be back in a minute..

okay well as i was saying.. NO MORE SEX... i dont even want to be touched at all.. the next time i have sex my mind will be so digressed that i will surely have an orgasm from a simple kiss... okay so DAY One of my experiment.. i will be taking notes so if you have a problem with that.. yuo can fuck yourself... so lets see back to the weekend.. it was fucking tight.. my friend Sarah came to town and we ... and we went to a bunch of bars and a bunch of shows and a amazign dance party.... and then on saturday... i went out with my friends and then we ended up at a killer dance party where i got hit on by a heroine addict.. i managed to steal drinks from about 4 people and smoke a good amount of weed.. this weekend was full of richmond finest.. i mean God the people in this city are delicious... i unfortunetly didnt get to see Beth but i did get to see my girl KARA.. who is lookign fantastic.... oh did i tell you im getting tattoed twice this month.. yes yes i know... you are all jealous.. and did i mention two hot ladies will be doing both of these tattoos.... oh shit the other day i went to PLAN9 and i got all these weird porn movies from the 1940 to the 1970's.. they are so fucking insane.. and the girls have huge bushes... and the guys are always busted.. its awesome the scripts are so good to... oh my gosh theres this cleopatra one and cleo is so busted.. and she has this lesbian lover and the girl is like "does marc anthony caress your soft skin like i do".. and then theres this line and Caesar is like " rape me rape me rape me again...".. ITS WONDERFUL>>>>>

this is my life.. but yeah this weekend was tight.. i got to see all my ladies.. we danced... it was pretty perfect.... George and i talked alot and everything is on the up and up.... lets see whatelse.. OH im gonig to Philly on friday.. im going to rock the shit out of that city... i wish i could bring my bike but A= its to fucking cold and B= its to fucking cold....

So my girl Diana and i have been talking about Beligium non stop..... i cant wait to meet her family there and i cant wait to chill with my friends there and i cant wait to be WASTEDDDDDDDDDDDDDD... off of beer that actually taste good....and i cant wait to go to spain and be butt ass naked on a beach with my breast bronzing in the sun....man i need to make sure im not drunk the whollleee time i am there.. wait..what happens in belgium stays in belgium... maybe i will stay there to..... but yeah im going to London first so if anyone is going to be tehre when im there let me know... Im trying to chill pretty hard.. maybe catch a bunch of shows.. play catch up with alot of old friends.... scream a bunch.. wear alot of weird costumes and wigs.... Oh speakign of costumes.. I got this amazing Roman costume at the thrift store the other day its so awesome... and it has a helmet... i cant wait to wear it.. .theres this punk rock prom in two weeks i might wear it there.. and then theres this dress cocktail party.. i might wear ti there to.. sorry this entry sucks.. but YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH.. i love winter and i love richmond.. and i love my beer and i fucking love spectacular spectacular...

by the way spectacular spectacular is quite awesome.. quite interesting and quite quite the most wonderful thing that ever.. ever rode a bike or drank a beer or peed in an alley or peed in their sleep.... or laughed at a funeral or got completly wasted at a wedding and ran around naked and made the bride cry... im okay okay.. but spectacular spectacular is just ahhhh.. sigh.......
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"fuck four wheels i only need two get on my bike and roll with my crew"......

D.U.I.S (mar'tini)

"some people have a passion in life.. some people live for art.. some people live to help others.. some people live to teach.some people live to be mothers and fathers.. but me..... i live to drink.. drinking is my passion.... its what i do best...."
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dont dont dont you want me.. you know i cant believe it when you say that you wont see me... [Nov. 27th, 2005|03:21 pm]
fuck four wheelz
[mood |mischievousmischievous]
[music |STYROFOAM a heart without a mind.. SO FUCKING AWESOMEEEEEEEE]

so heres my weekend.. on friday i was suppose to meet my ladies at the bar for some crazy dancing and celebrating and being drunken fools and the bitches had me sitting there by myself for two fucking hours.. luckily.. i can entertain myself and drink a pitcher of beer by myself... (much like i am drinking now).. WEll as i was sitting there i began to make lists.. and i found this crumpled up in my purse this morning so i thought i would write it down here so i wouldnt forget it...

get out of america, stop buying new clothes, write letter and send packages instead of always being of the fucking internet,never date, never get married, never have children,keep a journal(arealone), storp writing important things on napkins,evelopes and barf bags... catolog your comics,never cut your hair, never wash your hair, stop watching home alone, labyrinth,willy wonka, never ending story and bridgette jones diary, learn more languages,never make plans to meet your slut friends anywhere,pose nude several times before my tits hit the ground, have lots of sex before i become grotesquely obeist... stop using words that have both q's and g's in them, learn how to spell, completly obstain from emotional fucking,nevere drink wine while sitting at a bar, frefraim from going home with bar tenders, busboys, band members,gardners professors, artist,fuckwits,alcoholics,straight edge boys and people who work the door at clubs,
never drive a car always ride a bike, movies are better than real life, make believe is better than the movies, love is evil stay far away, dont ever forget how to read musiq,never forget how to read latin, never go to heaven, never have meaningless conversation,always believe in the x'men,never sell out and stop drinking, drink by yourself more often, RUN AWAY, die a goddess in costume jewelry black eyeliner and heavy blue eyeshadow, die with no money left in the bank, never drink black and tans.. yuck....stop lusting over all my female friends,write a shitty book,tell beth i am me because she is she,

most of the dogs that shit on my yard are worth more than me.. not even the dogs.. but their collars are more expensive that my most extravagent outfit....i am a rusty beer bottled opened with a cheap bic cigarette lighter.... ive got about a sips worth of spit at the bottom of me but someone keeps sucking on me because they are to lazy to buy a new beer.....everyone in this city is an artist... and everyone likes that one band.....take me away from this beer that taste like wine, take me away from tattoed stained and bike rusted hands and worn down shoes.. i want to have sex with everyone and noone... i am sitting on a bar stool that is far to big for my body... i wish there was a potion i could drink to correct my prediciment.. but all i have is PBR and all that is playing is this sad detroit cobra song.. last night my hands were so cold ic ouldnt even touch my own body... how depressing is that.. hands to cold to feel your own skin... but ofcourse i kept trying to and screaming like someone was shoving icecickles up my vagina..george and i are okay.. its sad and its hard especially at nights but i love him to much to date him and he loves me to much to date me.. i want him to be happy i want him to have kids.. i want him to have a girlfriend who woudl sacrifice everything for him.. and i cant do that.im not made for that....oh my friends just showed up i hate those bitches..

okay well that is what i wrote.. and then i drank some more and danced and and yelled with all my ladies... How can i hate such beautiful people for more than a moment.. it was a godo night.. i mean yes we were at creeipanemas... but i had a good time.. my girl stevie ray was working the door and we sat and she drank wine out of a handmadelittle coffee cup.. i hustled people to see their I.d's.. i dont think anyone thought it was funny but fuck them.....well then the hoes who had me waiting... left to go to a club and i stayed and just talked to stevie ray .. next thing i know it was last call and my ever so sexy hawian friend tells me i should go get food with her.. so we get on our bikes.. SCREAM BECAUSE ITS SO COLD AND WE ROLL UP TO "ribs rolls and cheesecakes"... we get there order a shit ton of food.. and adjust to the heat... i dont know what we talked about buti know we ate a shit ton of food.. hawian girl can eat some fuckign collard greens and ribs.. i will tell you that much... well this isnt even important but these two assholes woudlnt leave us alone.. so i told them we were students about to go to graduate school in russia.. then we told them that in russia they only have bread and soup... these boys were idiots.. we also told them that we have never dated boys before because all we know is "GO TO SCHOOL GO TO COLLEGE MAKE MONEY'.. they felt so bad for us.. so they told us they wanted to take us out and show us a good time before we left the country.. how nice...

we quickly escaped and ended up playing lord of the rings trivia while wearing fur jackets until 5am.. i rode my bike home and thought i would die... i've never rode anywhere and thought.. "IM NOT GOING TO MAKE IT".. but the other night i almost did.. it was so fucking tight..

okay well saturday was way tight.. i got up at like 2pm.. and Cheryl and i went to the ABC store and bought a shit ton on vodka then we went to some crazy thankgiving party where all these kids we didnt know were there.. we sat down and started pounding drinks... we also decided we are getting our drinking names tattooed on our lips... TEAM D.U.I FOREVER>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> im Mar'tini and shes Sluricane and Ghettoblaster..... anyways.. there were all these kids playing some wack ass poppunk music from like 6 years ago.. it was fun for two seconds then lame.. so i continued drinking and drinking and laughing... there was this one girl there taking pictures ever two seconds.. im not lying.. she had like 3 different camers and a tripod.. we decided she has a 10 minute memory so she has to photograph everything or she will have no idea where shes been or where shes going... she was on some 50 first date shit or something.....but yeah it was so much fun....and then the rest of the crew showed up and and we sat in the living room screaming and dancing to songs from when we were kids we sung.. "step by step".. "ninja turtles"..."family matters".. "saved by the bell".. "full house".. "different strokes".. God it was one of those richmodn moments.. where you just give up and you dont care about anything and you just laugh and dance and sing and its so fucking wonderful..

God my beer is almost gone and i still have so much more to type..

well after the crazy dance episode.. we head downtown to a crusty party.. we were there for a couple minutes and then we decided we were going to make the boys take us to get fries.. so we yelled FRIES FRIES FRIES FRIES FRIES FRIES FRIES FRIES.. and they lied to us and told us we were going to this 24 hour diner.. and then they turned around adn made us go to a bar.. BOOOOOOOOO but it was fun.. it was a good night.. i came home and played dress up in my new empty room.. i danced around with my zombie blood stained wig on and wrote letters to someone who i am so afraid to love.. i was talking to my friend casey the day.. and you knwo how sometimes you just start talking and you are not really thinking of anything.. just going on adn then you say something and you are sort of like.. where the fuck did that come from.. well i was talking to her and i said.. sometimes i just want to tell everyone to never fall in love.. i just want to tell everyone that they are going to get hurt and its not worth teh bullshit.. i told her the only promise i can keep is to promise to completly let you down in the end.. that way if i dont mess up so bad i dont have to feel as bad as i really should.... i was like damn.. haha.. wow.. thats sucks and its so true i mean its so true for me...

but last night was amazing.. i love my friends i cant even explain how fuckign wonderful everyone is.. and everyone is so fucking funny.. and we dont care about anything.. its SO GREATTTTTTTTTTT....sorry dance break down..

"i dont want to lose your love tonight'.. i dont have many friend left to talk to nowhere to run when im in trouble.. you know i'll do anything for you"... I just want to lose yoru love tonight... I dont want to lose your love tonight......" trying stop my hands from shaking something in my minds not making sense"""' I JUST WANT TO USE YOUR LOVE TONIGHT>> I DONT WANT TO LOSE YOUR LOVE TONIGHT>>>>>>>

new power jam

"just a small town girl living in a LOONELY WORLD>>> she took the midnight train going ANYWHERE>>>>> just a city boy... born and raised in south detroit..... he took the midnight train going ANYWHERE.. "piano"... chimes".. approaching guitar strings.... LONG GUITAR STROKE.. duu duu i see her in a smoky room i smell her wine and cheap perfume for a smile they can share the night it goes on AND ON AND ON>>>> strangers... waiting... looking downt he boulevard.. there shadows searching in the niiiniiigght..

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boo no more beer.. damn well anyways now im in a even better mood.. so let me tell you about today.. on sunday use to be masturbation day.. but now on sunday i talk to spectacular spectacular all day long.. spectacular spectacular is WOW... AND WOW and OH MY GOSH AND AMAZING AND just i dont know.. spectacular spectacular is cool beans.. and power jams and icecream sickles.. and swings.. and good stuff...its so weird that i cant even explain it to any one.. i myself dont really understand it.. but geez louise.... spectacular spectacular.......so marvelous that you have to touch your nose.. just to make sure its still there.. so stupdendious.. you have to look up new words in the dictionary just to try to make it have any meanng... i mean its like.. "i cant go for that no can do,,,, i cant go for that nooo no can do".. you know.. like.. brain freeze and to much good stuff.. i mean wow...like looney tunes world WOW.. .like getting shot with a thousand bullets then drinking water and it pours out of you threw little holes.. its like.., runnign yup to someone and pulling their lip and running away and then you let it go and it rolls up and hits them in the face.. its like GET THE FUCK OUT>>> like GET TEH FUCK OUT... its sort of awesome i guess... i dont know... i dont know anything but.. WOW... WOW like blossom WOW.....like zach morris and lisa hooking up wow.. like jesus fucking christ.. but thats all im goign to say for now.. okay i think im done now.. no wait its like.. dont you want me baby.. wow...like i feel for you.. wow...i had more to say but spectacular spectacular is back....

and wouldnt you like to know............................

go fuck yourself...
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